when change itself becomes your prayer!

Antigua, Guatemala

“Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  

~Philippians 4:6-7

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I’m sorry for the radio silence.  

There have been so many changes, all packed with much to process, emotionally, spiritually—and you know how long it takes me to do that!

Did you know that every single day we lose two minutes of sunlight. That’s a fact. I have to confess that having less sunlight messes with me.

I genuinely want to rejoice and be grateful and enjoy life and even embrace its many changes, especially this week as our family gathers around the table and each other. 

So perhaps it’s time I give myself a break and simply embrace the swing in my prayer from “Lord, I desire to surrender all… embrace all” to the more ornery but realistic, “Lord, I desire to desire (or even desire to desire to desire) to surrender all… embrace all"!!

Truth be told, that’s the first thing I’m grateful for, the fact that God takes me as I am, where I am, every time.  And for now, that is enough of a prayer!!

Two more things. 

First, a question. Are you interested in receiving a FREE digital version of Magnificat Magazine’s Advent Companion? If so, just drop me an email or leave a message here or on Facebook. I have a hand full of codes to give away, and you could be the one to get one!! 

Finally, my wish and prayer for each of you as we bring another liturgical year to a close this coming weekend is that you may be blown away this week by the awareness of God’s presence in your life! 

So keep an eye out for Him. He’s dying to be seen.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving and weekend my friends!

TE DEUM

Not because of victories

I sing,

having none,

but for the common sunshine,

the breeze,

the largess of the spring.

Not for victory

but for the day’s work done

as well as I was able;

not for a seat upon the dais

but at the common table.

~Charles Reznikoff in “The Hungry Ear: Poems of Food & Drink”

beer, birthdays and butt paste

Pat walking the Camino de Santiago, 2003

Yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that.

You cannot hold onto the old, all the while declaring that you want something new.

The old will defy the new;

The old will deny the new;

The old will decry the new.

There is only one way to bring in the new. You must make room for it.

                         ~Neale Donald Walsch

I may not always know my place in this world. Things are ever changing.

But in counting gifts I can always find my place in God.  

In His heart… He alone holds me as He continues to enfold me in His love.

                        ~Mary Anne Morgan [see her wonderful blog and photography here]

My internal clock is extremely connected to the academic year cycle.

The combination of living with teachers my entire life and also having a birthday in mid-August makes this time of year feel like the beginning of a new year—much more so than January 1st!

This summer has felt jam packed with festivities, family gatherings, wonderful visits with old friends and with far away family, and the excitement of working on final details associated with my new book.  You can read more about my Father Stanley Rother biography here!

I confess that it’s been a challenge for me, physically, to keep up with this level of activity—no matter how good, how fun or how enjoyable.

Emotionally, it has been simply too much for me to ingest.

For example, as weird as it sounds, I will find myself in the middle of a fun, joyful gathering, and a part of me feels numb… just going through the motions, taking care of what needs to be done.

Or worse yet, I’ll have my entire crew here, in our home… all my wonderful and fun adult children, and our five amazing grandchildren (with one more baby girl on the way!) – and I notice that I have an overwhelming wave of emotion that I can only describe as loneliness.

It’s enough to make me feel like I’m crazy, or at the very least, ungrateful! 

But on this my birthday week – I made the decision to stop berating myself and simply acknowledged that I am tired, and that it’s okay that I feel tired. 

And I realized that what I am feeling is the weight of change—and the cost of my desire to be truly present to the people in my life.

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                                       We live life forward, but we understand it backward

                ~Søren Kierkegaard

keep your eyes on the Baby

The people who walked in darkness

have seen a great light;

upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom

a light has shone.

You have brought them abundant joy

and great rejoicing,

as they rejoice before you as at the harvest,

as people make merry when dividing spoils.

For the yoke that burdened them,

the pole on their shoulder,

and the rod of their taskmaster

you have smashed, as on the day of Midian.

For every boot that tramped in battle,

every cloak rolled in blood,

will be burned as fuel for flames.

For a child is born to us, a son is given us;

upon his shoulder dominion rests.

They name him Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero,

Father-Forever, Prince of Peace.

His dominion is vast

and forever peaceful,

from David’s throne, and over his kingdom,

which he confirms and sustains

by judgment and justice,

both now and forever.

The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this!

~Isaiah 9:1-6, 

first reading at Christmas Midnight Mass

As Advent 2014 comes to a close, our family will gather to celebrate the birth of the Child -- the Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero, Father-Forever, Prince of Peace!

But this year, we will not do this together. 

Some of our family members are in London, some in Tulsa, some in Oklahoma City. So when my brother and Mami arrive, five of us will gather at our table for a Nochebuena dinner here in Norman.
As Michael pointed out to me today, this will be our smallest Christmas setting in our (almost) 33 years of marriage!

Honestly, I am not complaining. I know just how spoiled I am every time we fill up a pew at church with just our family! And I know and truly believe that everyone is where they should be this Christmas. I feel deeply grateful for the meal we're about to share, the family that will be here at this table, and for the Midnight Mass that will follow.

I am also conscious that change continues to define my "new normal." Shoot. It's my only "normal"!

All I know to do is to go back to the basics, and today that means to go to the manger, keep my eyes on the Baby, sit with the newborn King of Kings. 

May we make our hearts a pesebre, a manger, for the Prince of Peace.

I have three new Nativities this year... and two of them are gifts
 from my generous father in law--this one from Haiti. And the one below,
a hipped Joseph! Isn't he great?

waiting on the world to change

I’ve had one song line on “replay” in my head: we are waiting, waiting on the world to change.

Nothing else from that John Mayer song fits, mind you. But that is one great line.

In many ways, our entire family is on standby—a sort of holding pattern as we wait for our fifth grandbaby to be born.  Since Michael and I will be taking care of the baby’s siblings when their Mama goes into labor, we’ve cleared our calendars, organized our house, and simplified our routines, as much as we can.

We want to do our best to be ready. And in the meantime, we are waiting.

There’s already been so much shifting in my heart this year. So many enormous, life-altering, birth-and-death changes. And it’s simply impossible not to think of my Dad as I prepare to welcome into my life this new baby boy.

my last picture of Papi, with baby Sofia
April 2014

“It has always been one of my unclerical sermons to myself, that that remark which Peter made on seeing the vision of a single hour, ought to be made by us all, in contemplating every panoramic change in the long Vision we call life... "It is good for us to be here - it is good for us to be here", repeating itself eternally.” 

~G. K. Chesterton              

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For those of you who are curious, here's a video of John Mayer 

singing the rest of the song... "Waiting on the World to Change"

#SmallMerciesMiércoles: can I be grateful for change itself?

Rejoice in the Spring-time of the year. Let there be Spring-time in your hearts. The full time of fruit is not yet but there is the promise of the blossom. 

Know surely that your lives too are full of glad promise. Such blessings are to be yours. Such joys, such wonders. 

All is indeed well. Live in My Sunshine and My Love.

~April 30 entry in “God Calling,” 

edited by A.J. Russell

Spring-time in Oklahoma can mean just about anything. Cool temperatures. Warm weather. Dry conditions. Unceasing rain. 

Yet two variables seem constant lately:  unrelenting winds, and always, the possibility of serious storms.

The terrifying, destructive storms that hit across the southern states earlier this week left Oklahoma untouched this time.  And in spite of the wind that comes sweeping down the plains, just like the song “Oklahoma” promises, we’ve had gorgeous weather… mostly sunshine, beautiful cloud formations, and temperatures in the upper 50s and low 60s.

Much like the capricious Oklahoma weather, life can and does change in an instant. Without any warning, a storm can quickly develop, wrap its arms around me, and literally change my life forever.

Now be honest. What did you imagine when you read that sentence—something terrible or something amazing and good?  

Change can be either, or both!

On this #SmallMerciesMiércoles, I choose to be grateful for exactly that, the change itself. 

Whether good, bad, or yet unknown—I entrust it all to the One who loves me most, best, and forever.