keep your eyes on the Baby

The people who walked in darkness

have seen a great light;

upon those who dwelt in the land of gloom

a light has shone.

You have brought them abundant joy

and great rejoicing,

as they rejoice before you as at the harvest,

as people make merry when dividing spoils.

For the yoke that burdened them,

the pole on their shoulder,

and the rod of their taskmaster

you have smashed, as on the day of Midian.

For every boot that tramped in battle,

every cloak rolled in blood,

will be burned as fuel for flames.

For a child is born to us, a son is given us;

upon his shoulder dominion rests.

They name him Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero,

Father-Forever, Prince of Peace.

His dominion is vast

and forever peaceful,

from David’s throne, and over his kingdom,

which he confirms and sustains

by judgment and justice,

both now and forever.

The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this!

~Isaiah 9:1-6, 

first reading at Christmas Midnight Mass

As Advent 2014 comes to a close, our family will gather to celebrate the birth of the Child -- the Wonder-Counselor, God-Hero, Father-Forever, Prince of Peace!

But this year, we will not do this together. 

Some of our family members are in London, some in Tulsa, some in Oklahoma City. So when my brother and Mami arrive, five of us will gather at our table for a Nochebuena dinner here in Norman.
As Michael pointed out to me today, this will be our smallest Christmas setting in our (almost) 33 years of marriage!

Honestly, I am not complaining. I know just how spoiled I am every time we fill up a pew at church with just our family! And I know and truly believe that everyone is where they should be this Christmas. I feel deeply grateful for the meal we're about to share, the family that will be here at this table, and for the Midnight Mass that will follow.

I am also conscious that change continues to define my "new normal." Shoot. It's my only "normal"!

All I know to do is to go back to the basics, and today that means to go to the manger, keep my eyes on the Baby, sit with the newborn King of Kings. 

May we make our hearts a pesebre, a manger, for the Prince of Peace.

I have three new Nativities this year... and two of them are gifts
 from my generous father in law--this one from Haiti. And the one below,
a hipped Joseph! Isn't he great?

Christmas: it's not over 'till I say it's over

I’m not ready for Christmas to be over. 

No, with this statement I’m not trying to teach you something about the true meaning of Christmas. And I’m not making some kind of theological testimony about today being the final day of the Christmas season, liturgically speaking.

But I am aware that my hesitation in taking down Christmas lights and decorations is coming from somewhere deep within me. I’m not procrastinating or postponing the inevitable work that comes with packing up Christmas. Not this year.

Perhaps it’s related to having a beautiful new baby in our family, our granddaughter Sofia Maria. Perhaps it all went too quickly and I’m still digesting.  All I know is that I’m truly not ready to pack up the crèche and put away the Christ child, this God-baby born of a woman… I’m still pondering what this means in my own life, right now.

So, I’ve made a radical and significant compromise with myself. 

I will take down the Christmas tree—and most of the random Christmas decorations (towels, coffee mugs, etc) around the house.

But I won’t pack up my collection of Nativities throughout the house.

Not yet.

Ps.  I’m keeping the twinkling white lights up, too.

feast of the Holy Family: intentional loving is a lot of work

“Brothers and sisters:

Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,

heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,

bearing with one another and forgiving one another, 

if one has a grievance against another; 

as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do.

And over all these put on love, 

that is, the bond of perfection.

And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, 

the peace into which you were also called in one body.

And be thankful.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, 

as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, 

singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs 

with gratitude in your hearts to God.

And whatever you do, in word or in deed, 

do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, 

giving thanks to God the Father through him. “

~Colossians 3: 12-17

It’s been a jam-packed week.

Our complete, whole family gathered for 3 nights/4 days… that’s three little people and 12 adults—with some able to join us before Christmas Eve, and others staying longer. 

I confess that nothing delights my heart more than filling up a pew at church—and having a rowdy, full table for Nochebuena dinner (our traditional Cuban feast of pork, black beans, plátanos, yucca)!

2013 marked our first Christmas ever with everyone gathered under one roof, including the 1-year-old Twinkies, my parents, my brother, and all three married couples.

But besides Nochebuena and Christmas Day, our family also celebrated together two birthdays, my Dad’s 84^th and my daughter-in-law Mary’s 30^th, both on December 26^th—AND our 32nd wedding anniversary the day after that.

That’s a lot of goodness and merriment packed into a very short amount of time.

But please, don’t idolize our Week of Wonderful. With that many people and that much going on, the Texas-sized serving of goodness also includes side-dishes of: mess and chaos; arguing; hurt feelings; mis-understandings; anxiety; unending piles of dirty dishes; lack of sleep; bickering… You get the idea.

As our insightful Deacon reminded us in today’s homily, being family requires a lot of deliberate, mindful work—including massive doses of forgiveness, gentleness, understanding, appreciation, respect, compassion, patience. Just Go back and read St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians that I quoted above!

Intentional loving is a lot of work.

It is no great surprise that I’ve spent the last 24 hours catching up on rest and sleep!

After all, tomorrow is Elenita’s third birthday. And we are still on a holding pattern waiting for our 4^th grandchild to be born… any day now.

I am truly, deeply blessed. Happy feast of the Holy Family indeed.

Christmas 2013

¡feliz Navidad!

my singing Nativity, one of my favorites!

and the singing angels on the piano next to the Holy Family

"Y la Palabra se hizo carne, 

y puso su Morada entre nosotros"

~Gospel of John, Chapter 1

This will be my last post for a while. I already have my holy trinity of grandkids at our house, and that's where my energy will go for now! 

Please hold my oldest daughter in your prayers as she and her husband prepare the "manger" to welcome their first child, due December 30... a Christmas bundle of love. Nothing can be more appropriate.

May your Christmas celebration fill your heart with hope, joy, peace--and renew your sense of wonder! God is here, with us, right where we are--as we are. Let us rejoice and be glad!

Nativity from Chile

Nativity from Ireland

stress and anxiety at Christmas: open up your life

“We must go through the stages of feeling, not only in the last death of anything, but all the earlier little deaths. If we abort these emotional stages by easy answers, all they do is take a deeper form of disguise and come out in another way. So many people learn that the hard way—by getting ulcers, by all kinds of psychosomatic diseases, depression, chronic irritability, and misdirected anger—because they refuse to let their emotions run their course, honor them consciously, or find some appropriate place to share them.  Emotions are not right or wrong, good or bad. They are merely indicators of what is happening, and must be listened to, usually in the body. People who do not feel deeply finally do not know or love deeply either. It is the price we pay for loving. Like Job we must be willing to feel our emotions and come to grips with the mystery in our head, our heart, and, yes, our body too. To be honest, that takes our entire life. My emotions are still a mystery to me, and without contemplation they would control me.” ~Richard Rohr, adapted from Job and the Mystery of Suffering: Spiritual Reflections “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” ~John 14:27 “How better to celebrate again the presence of God among us than by learning from Joseph how to be free, fearless, and faithful, prudent, and wise? Faith for Joseph was an adventure that allowed him to walk with confidence into the unknown. He did not just open his home, he first opened his life. Three days before Christmas, the Church invites us to do the same.” ~Fr. Thomas Boyer

I’ve had a couple of days recently where waves of assorted emotions sweep over me, like an artic blast blowing into town. Often without warning, I feel a shift, followed by an immediate flow of feelings and tears.

I’ve written about anxiety and stress before. But this is different. I don’t know how to explain it better other than to say that something as simple as a song, a card, an email, even an image, reaches into my heart and I flinch. It seems to be frequently connected to a memory or a person, sometimes not.

Experts tell us that anxiety and being overwhelmed by memories and emotions is not unusual during holidays, especially at Christmas time. But this is new and unfamiliar territory for me.

I tried to describe to my friend Patricia the depth of emotions and how they have surprised me lately, and she wisely pointed out that, as we get older, the sensations and reactions at this time of year run deeper. 

Putting up the tree is no longer just about the task, but about the memories and emotions that each ornament brings. Setting out the nativity is not just setting out the pieces, but more about our unfolding understanding into this incarnational event that has changed us, and what it means to us now, as well as its significance in our pilgrimage towards eternal Life.

In Pat’s words,

“What is different now is that thru my life and my living I am in conversion.   I know now that I am a part of incarnation.  Christmas was Jesus becoming carnate, flesh, a baby.  A miraculous, difficult squeeze for God, for The Holy Spirit!  It is at Christmas that I realize I am becoming Spirit and that, thru my memories, loves and griefs, re-experienced thru reliving the traditions of the season, I a leaving my human life behind and squeezing slowly—oh, so slowly, into spirit.  We followers of Jesus, we adopted sons and daughters of God; have a difficult job trying to balance life in two worlds, working thru our life-long Rebirth.  Exhausting.  And in Advent the walls between seem thinner, the consequences clearer, and our joyful but breaking hearts speak to us out loud.”

In case it helps any of you facing similar moments over the holydays—especially when it feels like too much... here are my action steps:

#1, I let myself cry. The tears are my prayer.

#2, I tell a friend (and also my husband. Doing both helped a lot this week!)

#3, I go to daily Mass (where, of course, I inevitably tear up at communion ;-)

#4, I turn on all the Christmas lights, especially the new white tinkling ones I hung this year over the backyard French doors and across the mantle.

#5, I take a long walk with my hubby and my Siberian Husky Diego. There is nothing like physical activity to settle down the mind and the heart.

Yes, the walls between the here and the hereafter feel thinner during Advent... So go ahead: feel deep, breathe deep, sing and dance to music, laugh a lot… let this be your prayer of openness.

[photos around my house this weekend, following a very impressive ice storm!]