I desire to desire... my Thanksgiving prayer

Charleston, NC

Every single day we lose two minutes of sunlight. That’s a fact. And I have to confess that the combination of less light and my melancholic spirit is truly messing with me.

I also think that the dramatic shift from Spring time weather and sunlight in Santiago de Chile one day—to brutal winter temps and our first real snow of the season the next day, has truly exacerbated my already fragile and volatile emotions.

my backyard, November 2014

I want to rejoice and be grateful and enjoy life and even embrace its many changes as everything keeps shifting around me, especially this week as our family gathers around the table and each other. But in all honesty, I’m struggling. And I’m failing.   

Perhaps it’s time I give myself a break and simply embrace the swing in my prayer from “Lord, I desire to surrender all… embrace all” to the more ornery but realistic, “Lord, I desire to desire (or even desire to desire to desire) to surrender all… embrace all.”  Or not.

Truth be told, that’s the first thing I’m grateful for, the fact that God takes me as I am, where I am, every time.  And for now, that is enough of a prayer, no?

Two more things. 

First, a question. Are you interested in receiving a FREE digital version of Magnificat Magazine’s Advent Companion? If so, just drop me an email or leave a message here or on Facebook. I have a hand full of codes to give away, and you could be the one to get one!! 

Finally, my wish and prayer for each of you as we bring another liturgical year to a close is that you may be blown away this week by the awareness of God’s presence in your life! Keep an eye out for Him. He’s dying to be seen.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving and weekend my friends!

TE DEUM

Not because of victories

I sing,

having none,

but for the common sunshine,

the breeze,

the largess of the spring.

Not for victory

but for the day’s work done

as well as I was able;

not for a seat upon the dais

but at the common table.

~Charles Reznikoff in “The Hungry Ear: Poems of Food & Drink”

as the weather turns

The first cold front of the season came through last night, and in one fell swoop, it now feels and looks like Fall in central Oklahoma.

I am not a winter person. and I admit that I’ve already begun a subconscious count down somewhere in the back of my Caribbean brain to that ominous first frost. It’s a clear understatement to say that I am not looking forward to the engulfing darkness of winter—or its severe frigid temperatures.

However, if I allow myself to remain in this moment, I have to admit that I even love the phrase in English that describes this event, this moment, when we say that the weather is turning.

As much as many of us dread it, and even more of us run from it, there’s something inherent in our beings that needs and feeds on change. It’s intrinsically connected to hope, and to rhythms. After all, our body itself creates a rhythmical pulse and drumming heart beat that defines what it means to be alive.

Perhaps change simply reminds us that life is full of possibility. Because instantaneously, and without much fanfare, everything can and does change with one cold front—breathing life, coolness, and enthusiasm into our lives, and even our spirit.

And besides, the monarch butterflies are heading our way!

Turn, turn, turn by The Byrds

Hope begins in the dark

“The Spirit drove Jesus out into the desert, 

and he remained in the desert for forty days, 

tempted by Satan.” [Mark 1: 12]

Qumran, Israel, 2012

I was a 19-year-old college student at the University of Texas the first time I really “got” the reality that Jesus was fully human, like me—that He experienced the full range of emotions, desires, even temptations that I do.  I was blown away by the Truth of that statement!

God so loved the world, so loved ME, that He sent His Son to become one of us in all ways but sin.  As author and poet Kathleen Norris points out, the incarnation is, indeed, a scandalous affair! There’s so much to ponder about this generous and extravagant Love.

Today I find myself finding hope in this awareness, in this Jesus Christ. When I am tempted to give in to negativity, I am encouraged to know that Jesus knows how it feels. When I am tempted to stop believing in the purpose of my life, I remember Jesus gets it. On the days when I’m tempted to stay in bed and give up altogether, I turn to Jesus with my ache and my sorrow. When I start listening to the voices of despair and I am tempted to doubt myself, I find hope in remembering that my Lord has experienced this darkness, too.

Whatever I am feeling, even the darkness of temptation, I can humbly bring to Jesus with confidence that he truly understands. Not in some heady, theological way, but with His full experience of humanity. And I can follow Jesus’ example at a time of temptation, turning to God, His Father and MY Father, and trusting Him without reservation for all of my needs.