imagine...God looking at you and smiling!

 

happy third week of Advent!!

“But discernment only operates in an atmosphere of prior trust—only when we admit an experience and let it develop do we have the grounds for discernment. You cannot discern from a distance. You have to get involved, to take the risk; only on that basis can you assess the feedback and make the adjustment. Discernment implies relationship. 

In the third Addition, Ignatius invites us into a complex, relational reality. If God is looking at us, God is in relationship with us. As we try to understand this relationship, we can focus either on God or on ourselves. We can consider what it is like to be looked at. How am I feeling? We can also consider the God who is looking, and what that God is like. How is God feeling? As we move between these two ways of responding to Ignatius’ invitation, they begin to fuse, to enrich each other, to be woven into something intricate and beautiful. I am looking at God looking at me looking at God. When I look at the God who looks at me, it is not a matter simply of seeing the other as one object among many, but of looking, gazing, contemplating. We see each other. The look transforms—it is encounter.”

~Robert R. Marsh, 

“Looking at God looking at you: Ignatius’ Third Addition”

Although St. Ignatius wrote his Spiritual Exercises as a 30 day silent retreat for his “company” of men, both times that I have completed the Exercises, all the meditations, readings and prayers have been modified and presented as a program for lay people in the midst of everyday life.

A great example—and one that I highly recommend for people in the Oklahoma City Archdiocese, is called “Retreat in Daily Life.”

During the first week of the Spiritual Exercises, St. Ignatius sets up several prayer opportunities to help us reflect on how loved we are, how much God loves us. 

The idea is that here’s where it all begins. It is within this Love experience, this relationship, that we are able to respond to God in complete sincerity and honesty, and it is then that we can begin to see truthfully and then, confront our sinfulness.

It is such a critical and central point of reference!  It is from, with, and in this Love that all else comes, develops, unfolds—even sorrow for our sins, which then allows us to receive God’s mercy and love.

I think Jesuit Anthony de Mello summarized it in beautiful simplicity:

 “Behold God beholding you … and smiling.”

[Source: Hearts on Fire: Praying with Jesuits, Michael G. Harter (Editor)]

Last week my amazing daughter-in-law Mary sent me this delightful video of my Twinkies, who are now 1-year-old.  At first I thought that their giggles came as a response to their big sister Elena.

But, no.  The twins were simply looking at each other—gazing at each other in complete wonder—and the response was utter delight. Joy! Manifested in their smiles and laughter.

When you watch Cecilia and Ignacio in this video, may you imagine

God looking at you… and smiling!

the way of Love

“The intimacy that exists between soul and body is a marvel of creation and a mystery of human existence. Yet we do wrong to think, because the soul will be judged after death while the body crumbles to the grave, that this mortal handful of dust is any less a gift of God, any less noble or beautiful than the immortal soul. It is in the body that we exist and work out our salvation. It is in the body that we see and take delight in the beauties of God’s created universe, and in the body that we ourselves bear the marks of Christ’s passion… We are constantly, day in and day out, hour after hour, under the influence of these mysterious workings of soul on body and body on soul.” 

~Fr. Walter J. Ciszek, S.J., in He Leadeth Me 

[Note: more on Ciszek and the body here] 

“Sing, my tongue; sing, my hand; sing, my feet, my knee, my loins, my whole body. Indeed I am His choir,” wrote Saint Thomas Aquinas, one of the great teachers of the medieval Catholic Church, honored with the titles Doctor of the Church and Angelic Doctor. 

Although I am doing well overall, I feel physically zapped today. So reading Aquinas' dramatic, passionate statement recognizing his body as God's masterful creation, frankly overwhelms me more than inspires me!

Yet when God proclaims, 

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you”  [Jer 1:5]

 God means this creaky and tender body of mine, as it is today.

Elenita, looking at herself in mirror

My friend Pat, who is undergoing treatment for brain cancer, recently reminded me that spiritual maturity requires that we not only merely accept, but to look in the mirror and downright acknowledge just how beautiful we are, physically.

I have a ways to go in learning, believing that I am God’s work of art, that I am God’s choir. It’s that different level of “understanding” that St. Ignatius of Loyola termed “knowing.”

I do want to “know” that all that I am, as I am, God created with specific and deliberate purpose and love so that I may claim my place in God’s choir in this world. This is the “more excellent way,” the way of Love that gives God glory and praise through my life.

There is not greater reality—and in truth, there is no greater challenge.

Cecilia, one month old

“You formed my inmost being;

you knit me in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, because I am wonderfully made;

wonderful are your works!

My very self you know.

My bones are not hidden from you,

When I was being made in secret,

fashioned in the depths of the earth.”

~Psalm 139:13-15

Past... present... future

“I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.”  ~Virginia Woolf

I have been in Milwaukee for the past five days, celebrating the baptism of our twin grandchildren, Ignacio and Cecilia—and the second birthday of their big sister, Elena Clare.

For two whole days, our entire family was together again, everyone under the same roof--for the first time since our two daughters’ weddings this summer.  We also had the added blessing of my parents and brother making the long 14-hour-drive to join us for all these celebrations.

What adjectives can accurately describe my feelings as I watched my 83-year-old father named Ignacio holding his 8-week-old tocayo (namesake) Ignacio?

I am not numb, but I am speechless. The present is so f-u-l-l! All I can do is take it all "in." Notice everything. Even as I remain unable to name emotions or describe feelings.

As 2012 comes to a close, I welcome the newness of 2013, and ask God for the grace to simply be open—and to notice, to be aware, to listen.

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been     the foresight to know where you're going

and the insight to know when you're going too far.  ~Irish blessing 

Messy miracles: my holy trinity of grandchildren

Ignacio & Cecilia

The past two weeks have been an oxymoron of reality. On the one hand, it’s been a blur of traveling activity between four cities, some work-related, most for family visits. But on the other hand, the two weeks have offered me a peaceful stillness at every stop, and a complete change of pace from my normal routine.  They have been full of grace, a great beginning for my Advent.

The downside has been, however, that living a completely different routine and schedule from my normal reality has made my blog writing time almost non-existent! I will try to do better, but this is all still quite new to me.

My longest stop was in Milwaukee. Where the last time I was there in October there were three, this time there were FIVE family members at my son and daughter-in-law’s home!

The twins, Cecilia Teresa and Ignacio Christopher, are still very tiny by comparison to most all newborn babies. But they are doing very well, eating, gaining weight, growing, as well as maturing in their looks.  They are now six weeks old.

Elena kisses on one of her babies

During my time with my holy trinity of grandchildren I was struck by the reality that taking care of three children—a two-year-old and twin babies—is not very romantic. It’s difficult to get too sentimental about newborns when your day is full of poopy diapers, burp rags, dirty clothes, spills, messes, and lots and lots of calming crying babies.

But in the midst of the chaos and the mess, taking care of three children—a two-year-old and twin babies—is truly full of magical, miracle moments. Like the instant I was struck by the wonder of hearing TWO small humans sleeping on my shoulders. Or the flash of beauty created every time two-year-old Elena stopped playing to run and kiss her baby “Celia” or “Nacio.” Or the moment when the babies, laying on their backs side by side, suddenly held hands!

Taking care of three children under two is ultimately an excellent metaphor for life. Reality is messy, dirty, complicated—but in the midst of the messy ordinary, miracles are waiting to be discovered.