piece of beautify vs. broken shell: I am what I am

I love collecting pieces of  beautiful shells... what others may define as "broken shells" 

Try Googling the words, “I am what I am,” and you will come up with crazy results—from Popeye the sailor, to lyrics by the Jonas Brothers and from La Cage Aux Folles! And yes, I confess I know all of these “sources,” having watched the original 1978 La Cage Aux Folles movie when it came out.

But I digress.

Something –and nothing in particular, recently reminded me that…

I am not as smart as I think I am and

I am not as funny as I think I am and

I am not as strong as I think I am and

I am not as young as I think I am and

I am not as together as I think I am and

I am not as spiritual as I think I am and

I am not as pretty as I think I am and

I am not as insightful as I think I am and

I am not as honest as I think I am and

I am not as generous as I think I am and

I am not as contemplative as I think I am and

I am not as nice as I think I am…

I am also…

Not as dumb as I think I am and

Not as dull as I think I am and

Not as weak as I think I am and

Not as old as I think I am and

Not as discombobulated as I think I am and

Not as irreverent as I think I am and

Not as ugly as I think I am and

Not as dense as I think I am and

Not at dishonest as I think I am and

Not as selfish as I think I am and

Not as unreflective as I think I am and

Not as mean as I think I am.

By the grace of God, I am who I am.

+   +   +   +   +

“The only one to be ‘fully human’ was Jesus—with Mary a close second. So it is easier to say what it is not than what it is. Essentially, it means accepting our full body—soul creation with its inbuilt limitations…

I’m not putting this very well. Our desire for God can betray us into angelism: that perfidious and subtle form of pride…

But we should listen to what is found wanting in us and sweetly and trustfully look to Jesus for him to transform what he wishes. Often ‘not fully human’ refers to our relationships. We can only strive, with all our sensitivity, to make them warmer, more loving.”

~Sister Wendy Beckett

“I am what I am, and that's all that I am.”

~Popeye

“I am delighted that a perception of your wretchedness and your weaknesses and a consciousness of your nothingness are your normal preoccupation during prayer. It is thus that you gradually acquire complete distrust of self and utter trust in God. Thus, too, you are firmly established in that interior humility which is the enduring foundation of the spiritual edifice and the chief source of God’s graces to the soul.

You must be neither surprised nor grieved at the destruction your self-love fears: if it were free of this fear it would not be self-love. Only souls already greatly detached from self long for this utter death and, far from fearing it, desire and command it unceasingly of God. In your case you will have done enough if you endure patiently and peacefully the various stages which bring it about.”

~ Jean-Pierre de Caussade, S.J.

sand, surf, and holy moments

I returned last night from a long weekend on the Texas coast with all my family and with a group of dear friends, many of whom I’ve known since my days—500 years ago!—as an undergraduate attending the University Catholic Center at the University of Texas in Austin.

Being at the beach for me is always and foremost a tangible, undeniable glimpse into God’s presence in all of creation, and in this present moment. it is in the sand and the waves that I inevitably touch, however briefly, the mysterious essence of eternity.

In that sense, these past few days on the coast were no different.

Yet like all other things in my life right now, even in this most familiar place, being with these most familiar and intimate friends and family—everything seemed foreign, different, even “off.”   

I am aware that, the truth is, it is *I* who feel strange and different. I am the one who is “off.” 

What was such a blessing about this weekend is that it didn't matter. I allowed myself to be off, to feel strange and different in front of my family and friends. I acknowledged this unfamiliar and unusual state where my heart dwells right now. And I knew that I was (I am!) still loved and accepted, as I am, where I am.

What a holy moment!

“Each of us is loved by God with a limitless, unconditioned, and unconditional love that we can never destroy or even diminish. We are loved into existence; cherished in our existence; affirmed absolutely in death and beyond. This love is independent of our merit or demerits. Nothing whatsoever can separate us from this love. For it is the breadth; it is the length; it is the height and it is the depth—there is nowhere beyond it, above it or below it. It is All: the limitless ocean that encompasses our tiny, threatened, fragile yet definitely precious self.

This is not merely impersonal, protective benevolence but a love that gives self, that offers inconceivable intimacy and that seeks reciprocity. We can never define or draw a line around what God will do for each one of us. We are exposed to the infinite. Against this truth what does our sense of impotence matter?”

                                                                                            ~Sister Ruth Burrows, O.C.D.