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| woman at beach in San Diego, ©Maria Ruiz Scaperlanda |
After praying as a group Psalm 95 for morning prayer, and contemplating various Psalms in private prayer, I invited participants to write out their own psalm using one of the prayer styles found in the Psalms.
I have previously published here my own psalm from that weekend; as well as a few others that have been generously shared with me recently by the participants. You can find Nora's "Bare to the Core" psalm here; and Pat's "Our hearts are burning" psalm here.
Today, I am pleased to introduce to you Theresa Sismilich of Pflugerville, Texas--and her beautiful narrative psalm, "A Psalm of Lament."
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| Cedarbrake path |
A Psalm of
Lament
Your
counsel, O Lord, I sought
And You answered me
I asked which
path to walk
And You replied,
“Look not
beyond the day today
For each has trouble of its own.”
So I had no
more worry
Though all
the while You knew
There were
foxes in the vineyard
Ready to steal my joy
I set out to
follow You
To walk the journey laid before me
One day at a
time
I cried out
for You
But could not find You
It seemed
you were preoccupied
As if
counting hairs upon my head
You tricked
me, Lord,
And I let myself be tricked
So soon I
would retract my fiat
Seeking remedy of my own
Only to
return again
Crying tears to wash Your feet
And dry them
with my hair
But You, O
Lord, are Ever-faithful
Each time I
found myself with anger
In a valley of tears
You gave me
some thing
To which I clung –
Some part of
You
That was Enough
To carry me
again from day to day
Once You
awakened me
In the middle of the night
Illumined
him asleep
Beneath the comforter
And for some
time
I saw him as beloved
Until human
that I am
In my
darkness
I abandoned Light
Another time
the phoenix sang
Soaring from her funeral pyre
A call to
die to self
So You would live in me
I was reborn
some while
Until I tired of waiting
For his
anger to be at peace
So You
showed me my beloved –
Isaac as my sacrifice
And I
offered him day to day
But I soon
fell again
With lack of trust
And I
entered into fire
With anger on my back
This path
You measured out for me
Became a gauntlet
Before me
fire and fury
A wall of rage kept us apart
My efforts
on the way
Insufficient without You
I had
refused to take Your yoke
And took up mine instead
The journey
would be easy
With You at my side
But all I
felt was burdened
With my Isaac
And I cried
in my anguish
Of this task too great for me alone
My own rage
Boiled within me – became my food
And I
swallowed hurt
Like tears on unquenchable fire
How long, O
Lord? How long?
“One day,” You said “One day…”
But I didn’t
let you finish
And I forgot
that my 12,000 days
Are as but one to You
Then came
Lanciano
And the call to be Your house
Though I
didn’t know its meaning
I said, “Yes”
And waited
for You
To cleanse the temple that is me
Drive out
the den of thieves
That sold me short
I went up to
Jerusalem
In search of You
And too I found
You there – Living Word
– in
writing and in bread
And I held
on as by a thread
Until at
last
You healed my Isaac
Until at
last
I held
You in the night – Beloved in disguise
Until at
last
Pain itself became a source of joy
As you
transformed night into day –
Darkness into Light
And those
who would have carried me away
Released me into the arms of Love
So now I
give all time to You
I offer You
each moment in surrender –
In greatest
of all Thanksgivings –
The Eucharistic Sacrifice
You will
transform this little heart
Into Your own
Until I am
the who of me
One day . . . one day
I will set
the world on fire
© Theresa Sismilich, 2013
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