of hearts and memories and home and peach trees and turning 60

Three years ago, my family surprised me with fruit trees for my birthday – a pear, a plum, and a peach tree. As is always true in life, I had no clue then how much my life was getting ready to change or how different my daily landscape would become.

 

Fast forward to last Spring, the months when all my energy became focused on going to heart rehab -- and on the reality of moving and finding a new house in Oklahoma City.

 

As I look back on it now, it’s downright humorous to see how the two became one!

 

For the past year and a bit, I have felt an undeniable parallel connection between the house we lovingly called Casa Scap and my body. It may sound ridiculous, but as I’ve struggled and stumbled over the physical changes and reality of a heart condition and my aging body, I have also fought and cried over the changes and the letting go of that old but familiar home of 23 years.

 

I know it’s just a house. And I know we will make new memories in the new house. Believe me, I know. That Waverly Ct house was the 23^rd house I have lived in! 

 

It’s not just about the memories, or the stories, or the Sacraments that we have celebrated there – from First Communions and weddings, to baby showers for my Grands. 

 

It’s not just about my wrinkles, or the sagging, or the new scars and meds – or the fact that I’ll be turning SIXTY in a couple of weeks.

 

It’s about ALL of it. 

 

Saying goodbye to our Norman home reminds me – no, REFLECTS and visualizes for me, how my role as a mother has changed, how different my life as a grandmother is now, and how precious is the life we have left, both as a couple and as individuals. 

 

The last time I walked through our Waverly Court house a few days ago, my eyes watered as I could see with my heart’s eyes the many beautiful moments we experienced there. I consciously and deliberately offered prayers of thanksgiving for the walls and rooms that allowed us to welcome and love the dozens, or rather hundreds, of young people over the years. 

 

And I brought home, to our new house, a bag full of pears and peaches. I laughed out loud when I saw that the fruit trees were loaded with peaches and pears – for the first time, ever! 

Oh, God’s sense of humor…

the only constant is change

August 13, 1960

On a walk the other day, I told Michael that I am still feeling quite discombobulated from the emotional events of this summer. But in reality, it’s been a yearlong discombobulation (what an ideal word!) that began with two daughters getting married last summer.

Today is my birthday.

As I contemplate the scores of events that have taken place since my last birthday, it’s clear that the constant in my life has been change. 

New jobs and new beginnings brought the remaining three of my four children to live near us in central Oklahoma.  And new life overflowed nine months ago when Elena became big sister to not one but TWO babies! Our expanding family continues to grow even now—with another grandbaby on the way, this one from my oldest daughter, Anamaría, and her Oklahoman Travis. 

Just as the joy of grandchildren expand my heart to unimaginable new levels, in the span of two months I had to say goodbye to two beloved women who died from cancer, leaving holes in my life and heart the size of craters. 

I have so much that I’m grateful for:

Elenita

Ignacio & Cecilia, 9 months old

our family (january) at twins' baptism, Milwaukee

Anamaría, Travis & baby, with Papi & Mami

Pat Stankus and I, 2011

Carrie Swearingen and I, 2012

security area, Milwaukee airport, Southwest terminal

Recombobulate me, Lord—but let it be in your own time, and not mine.

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“[o]nly in daily, confidential relationships with the Lord in the tabernacle can one forget self, become free of all one’s own wished and pretensions, and have a heart open to all the needs and wants of others.”

~Edith Stein, St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

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“But in process of time and growth of faith, when the heart has once been enlarged, the way of God’s commandments is run with unspeakable sweetness of love.”

~Benedict of Nursia

  

heart nebula