when I have not been listening deeply enough

“Jesus himself, in the midst of his busy public life, would withdraw from his disciples and retire to the mountain to pray. We must follow his example if we wish to preserve and strengthen our faith, to keep constantly before our minds the fact that our whole life is from God and a going to God, to be ever mindful of his will in all that we do.”

        

 ~Walter J.Ciszek, S.J.

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In musical terms, a "rest" is an interval of silence in a piece of music that usually highlights the notes, the moment in time, that comes before, or after it. A rest is marked by a symbol that gives it a particular note value, indicating the length of the pause.

What I realized yesterday as I sat on the edge of the ocean listening to the vastness before me, is that I'm in a long rest, a four-measure rest--a silence four-times the duration of a whole rest.

~in Day by Day with Maria (January 8, 2013)

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May the God of peace make you perfect in holiness. May he preserve you whole and entire, spirit, soul, and body, irreproachable at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ”

~ 1 Thessalonians 5:23 

(and the reading for Thursday’s Liturgy of the Hours Night Prayer)

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Much like the things or places that I can return to over and over that always feed me (read ocean and beach, any ocean and beach) -- there are also specific lessons in my life that I seem to return to over and over again.

Unlike the things that feed me, however, these lessons are often hard to admit.

Sometimes I feel like I should have learned it by now, whatever the specific “it” is.

Sometimes, often times, I beat myself up because I haven’t learned it by now, whatever the specific “it” is.

And sometimes, pretty much always, I eventually realize, and then eventually acknowledge, that instead of letting God lead the charge, I have been the one trying to fix “it”, whatever the specific “it” is.

When I look over my own journal – or blog – I have to laugh out loud at how often I repeat myself. Not just the lessons that come back again and again, but how often I repeat my apparent surprise at what I hear, or what I notice, or what God is patiently telling me, again and again.

Sigh.

Here’s my latest example. In recent weeks, I heard from both a confessor (a priest I had just met) AND from my osteopathic back doctor (a woman I’ve been going to for a holistic approach to my body) --pretty much the same essential message: wait, rest, allow yourself time to heal and to hear.

From the doctor’s perspective… don’t get over-eager and over-do-it, especially, as you begin to recover and feel better.

And from the priest’s perspective… don’t jump in immediately to do many things as you acknowledge that enthusiasm of the presence of God. Give yourself time to hear!

I should probably point out that what preceded both of these was a period of NOT feeling well – and by that I mean being brought to a stop by physical pain; and paralleled by a period lacking in spiritual renewal and insight, which led me to confess complacency in my walk with Jesus.

Let me phrase it another way.

My body does not lie. When it hurts, when it needs my attention, when it demands that I stop, that I just stop all the “doing”… it is (in the words of a wise friend) making it clear to me that I have not been listening deeply enough.

This is Truth both to my body, and to my spirit.

acupuncture as a spiritual practice

"To keep our bodies less defended, to live in our body right now, to be present to others in a cellular way, is also the work of healing of past hurts and the many memories that seem to store themselves in the body. The body seems to never stop offering its messages; but fortunately, the body never lies, even though the mind will deceive you constantly... It is very telling that Jesus usually physically touched people when he healed them; he knew where the memory and hurt was lodged, 

and it was in the body itself."

~Richard Rohr, 

"Breathing Under Water: 

Spirituality and the Twelve Steps"

"God comes to us disguised as our life" 

~Paula D'Arcy

I read about it ad nauseam. I asked friends to describe it. I was truly afraid of the idea of it. I imagined what the needles would feel like going into my skin. But I also dreamt about the possible benefits in helping me manage my pain. Finally, I decided to try acupuncture with a doctor recommended by my friend Pat.

Stepping into his office is like stepping into a movie set: plush velvet leather seats; a Chinese receptionist who is also the person who mixes the herbal teas that he “prescribes”; walls of bottled herbs of colors unknown to the western world; clean austere patient rooms; and an honest to goodness Chinese doctor! Dr. Li begins his examination by taking my pulse at each wrist and asking unusual questions, like what is your biggest trouble in life right now? He asks me to stick out my tongue, and tells me that my skin looks too tight.

“You hurt everywhere, yes?” he says, walking around the room preparing the table with assorted pillows and towels. He immediately begins a lengthy explanation about diet, emphasizing the impact of meat on my system: “Eat meat today, hurt tomorrow. “

The session itself is not painful, even with the electric lines Dr. Li connects to many of the needles. He also sheds some light, literally, on the area where I often experience the most severe pain– my neck and shoulders. As he inserts each needle I find myself practicing conscious breathing, much like I do at prayer. I know it’s hard to believe, but I even fall asleep with the needles up and down my spine.  As I leave, Dr. Li prescribes a drink that he calls a “tea” and that I hesitantly agree to ingest twice a day. It smells like grass, and not in a nice way. It tastes like grass, and not in a nice way.

A popular saying in Spanish recommends: a Dios rogando y con el maso dando, which basically translates as, I do my part—as I ask God to help me. 

[this post first published October 3, 2012]

the body remembers

"To keep our bodies less defended, to live in our body right now, to be present to others in a cellular way, is also the work of healing of past hurts and the many memories that seem to store themselves in the body. The body seems to never stop offering its messages; but fortunately, the body never lies, even though the mind will deceive you constantly... It is very telling that Jesus usually physically touched people when he healed them; he knew where the memory and hurt was lodged, and it was in the body itself."

~Richard Rohr, 

"Breathing Under Water: 

Spirituality and the Twelve Steps"

"God comes to us disguised as our life" 

~Paula D'Arcy

“And people brought to him a deaf man who had a speech impediment and begged him to lay his hand on him. He took him off by himself away from the crowd. He put his finger into the man’s ears and, spitting, touched his tongue; then he looked up to heaven and groaned, and said to him, ‘Ephphaltha!’ (that is, ‘Be opened!’).” 

~Gospel of Mark 7:33

There are many stories of healing and cures in the Gospels. My former pastor often reminded us to pay attention to the details of a story because those specific details help us to better understand Jesus. 

As I read the passage from the Gospel of Mark about the deaf man, I am profoundly struck by the way Jesus physically touched the deaf man with the speech impediment. Since St. Mark doesn’t tell us the deaf man’s name, I’m going to call him David.

We’ve all heard the importance of touch, how babies who are given food but not touch or affection will literally fade and die, and how hospitals use therapy dogs to heighten the healing of patients, especially those with long-term conditions. 

When recovering from surgery I was perplexed by how much I craved physical touch—and how physically distant people became. It felt like a direct correlation—the more I desired the gentle touch of another human being, the more that well-meaning person would step back and say, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Jesus knew how much David craved this physical contact. He took him aside, away from the crowd, to give him his full attention. 

I can imagine Jesus holding his hand, looking into David’s eyes with compassion and love. I picture him giving David a reassuring hug to communicate his intent, and waiting until David nodded his consent. Jesus didn’t need to touch David to cure his deafness or his speech impediment, but he did! 

He put his fingers into David’s ears. He spit. He touched David’s tongue. He went out of his way to touch him, and by doing so, he nursed David’s emotional and spiritual needs as well. 

David was cured of all his physical impediments, but above all, David was touched by Love.

Elena loving on baby Ignacio

[A modified original of this was published first here]

change #2, #SmallMerciesMiércoles: I'm grateful for feet, even when hopping on one leg

view from my office today!

People with arthritis often claim they can predict the weather, based on their joint pain level, and with good reason. Studies show a variety of weather factors can increase pain, especially changes… in barometric pressure (especially falling) and in temperature (especially lowering). 

A study from Tufts University in 2007 found that every 10-degree drop in temperature corresponded with an incremental increase in arthritis pain. In addition, relatively low barometric pressure, low temperatures and precipitation can increase pain. Researchers aren’t sure why this happens. They suspect certain atmospheric conditions increase swelling in the joint capsule.

~Arthritis Today magazine

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"'Man is a creature composed of body and soul.' We have recited that truth from the day we first learned our catechism. But until the body fails us, or pains us, or forces itself upon our attention by some little twinge or complete collapse, we tend to take for granted this first and most precious of God's gifts to man or to give it short shrift."  

"What came to me in the prison camps was a tremendous respect and love for the poor old body. It was the body that bore the brunt of all suffering, though the soul might well experience anguish. And it was the body that had to sustain you, for all the strength of will and determination it might have. It was the body that felt the sting of the wind, the bite of the cold, the cramp of aching muscles, the raw lash of cracked and bleeding flesh, the gnawing agony of hunger in the belly, the soreness and numbness of overtaxed sinews... and yet somehow it always managed to get you through one more day. It was the body that underwent the suffering, felt the agony, and carried the heavy weight across its shoulders of this daily passion and slow death of inhuman work."  

"It is in the body that we exist and work out our salvation. It is in the body that we see and take delight in the beauties of God's created universe, and in the body that we ourselves bear the marks of Christ's passion."

"God by his Incarnation took on a human body."  

"For each of us salvation means no more and no less than taking up daily the same cross of Christ, accepting each day what it brings as the will of God, offering back to God each morning all the joys, works, and sufferings of that day. But those are abstract words."  

"What it means, in practice, is spelled out as always by the poor old body. It means getting up each morning and going to bed exhausted. It means the routine, not the spectacular. It can mean drudgery, pain, putting aside pleasures, happiness, or the love the human heart craves until another time, so that what is necessary at the moment can be done. It means working for others, touching the lives of others, through the medium of the body."

~Walter Ciszek, S.J., 

excerpts from “the Body” chapter 

in He Leadeth Me.

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I am hopping on one leg today, literally. I’m not sure what’s causing it, exactly, but I’m having pain and swelling issues with my left foot. 

I don't even have a weird, fun story to go with it! There’s nothing broken, so it seems to be related to the inflammation problems related to my condition.

Which, believe it or not, leads me to the next “adjustment” that I’m proposing to myself!

Yesterday I wrote about keeping holy the Sabbath day, and my commitment to un-plug from technology on Sundays. In addition, I have decided to also work at being more regular with my writing time, including the frequency of the blog—and yes, within my physical abilities!

I’ve written before about the importance of  thankfulness and gratefulness, and how this attitude affects my life. And I’ve participated, however briefly (so far!), in CatholicMom.com’s #SmallSuccess Thursday Project.

So it seems like a natural sequel to developing my writing routine if I include weekly posts on what I’m grateful for, with specifics.  More on the details of this idea over the next few weeks, but for today… here’s what I’m calling #SmallMerciesMiércoles, which I will publish (¡con la ayuda de Dios!) every Wednesday.

#1   I’m grateful that I did not break any bones in the foot of my “poor old body”

#2   I’m grateful for the opportunity this situation gives me to stay home, put up my feet (ha!), and write!

#3   I am also grateful for my body’s reminder that God is here, incarnate, in every minute detail of my life and myself!

Ps. For those of you who’ve reached the age where your body helps you predict the weather – here are two helpful online sources to help you verify what you’re already feeling:

Over at ArthritisToday.org, an Arthritis Index based on a proprietary forecast by the meteorologists at www.AccuWeather.com. Click here! 

and over at weather.com, you can type in your zip code and get your “local aches & pains forecast”

or even peek at the “National aches & pains map”

The “aches & pains” forecast looks great for me today!  

What about your neck of the woods?