God is always calling

  

 

Michael and I were college sweethearts, and married right after graduation. We also began expanding our family straightway. 

 

As the youngest in my family of origin and with little experience around babies, I tackled parenting as I would another college class. I researched every subject, from nutrition, sleep habits, growth charts, spirituality, to education and social development. 

 

It seemed reasonable that someday I would stop feeling deficient and inexperienced as a parent and, at the very least, grow in confidence.

 

Looking back, I chuckle at my youthful idealism and naivety. At 60, I’m still waiting for that clarity in how to be a confident parent to my now-adult children! 

 

What I received, however, through God’s abundant grace, was a profound understanding of the truths that were right in front of me, foundations that continue to color my life today -- as a wife, mother, and now grandmother, to my growing Tribe. 

 

First and above all, I cannot do it alone. In those early years, I was blessed to not only have grandparents to assist and support me, but also a reliable community of faith-filled women with whom I shared values and faith, and a desire to serve God in our quotidian lives. In them, I recognized and experienced what my friend wisely labeled, God-in-the-skin.

 

I also learned that I could not give to my four children what I didn’t have myself. In essence, I could not teach them the importance of prayer if I was not living a prayer-full life. I could not pass on the importance of service and love of neighbor, if they did not see us living those values daily. 

 

It’s like the flight attendant says, place the oxygen mask on yourself before putting it on your child. 

 

The most important lesson was quite simple. No matter how much I loved them or how much time or effort I put into my parenting, I would inevitably make mistakes. I would – and did – royally mess up. 

 

Thankfully, God does not expect me to be perfect, only to be faithful. Whether in parenting or living, when I pursue my efforts with God at my side, I can be confident that God’s grace will transform everything through forgiveness, mercy and redemption. 

 

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Note: An edited version of this post was published in the “Just Live It” column of the March edition of Liguorian Magazine. 

reason #1 why I love Catholic schools

It's Catholic Schools Week!

Choosing the best schooling option for your children and their education is one of the hardest decisions a parent can make. At least, it was for us! It was also one that we revisited at various points in our family's journey.

Rebekah at St. James

Where should they start school? What about moving into a new city, a new state? What about high school? And finally, what should we encourage for college? At every one of these points, Michael and I stopped, re-assessed, discerned--and finally re-committed to sending our awesome foursome to a Catholic school.

Because it's a difficult and important decision, I'm not trying to convince anyone one way or the other. But I do want to share with you my top three reasons why I love Catholic schools, and why I'm grateful that we committed to Catholic schools.

First of all, I love Catholic schools because they offered us, as parents, the opportunity of sending our children into an educational environment that provided a wholistic approach to learning, one where faith is not a separate topic, but an integral part of EVERY other subject. 

When our oldest was ready to enter Kindergarten, we had no Catholic school in our vicinity. More than anything I desired an educational setting for Christopher that was Christ-centered and founded on the Gospels. One where, whether learning history and mathematics or going on a field trip, I knew that every subject, topic, event or activity centered on living out our Christian faith. So our first school experience, in fact, was a small Lutheran school in Cedar Park, Texas.

When we moved to Oklahoma, Christopher was headed to 5th grade, and our youngest to Kindergarten. Again, we discerned and found a Catholic school in nearby Oklahoma City. As beautiful as our experience was at Good Shepherd Lutheran, being able to incorporate our Catholic faith and tradition to their academic experience was the ultimate goal for us. 

Michelle serving at a school Mass

Clearly, we -- and the schools -- don't always get it right. But the fact that incorporating our Catholic faith was the mission and vision of their school provided our family continuity. This was and is the life code and cornerstone that we deliberately profess(ed) and present(ed) at home.

To put it another way, I knew that we needed all the help we could get to inculcate in our children the Catholic faith that I love and profess.

That's why I love -- and am eternally grateful -- that the schools and the teachers that were a part of my children's lives were my partners in this primary endeavor.

Thank you, Good Shepherd Lutheran School -- Cedar Park, TX

Thank you, St. James Catholic School -- Oklahoma City

Thank you, All Saints Catholic School -- Norman, OK

Thank you, University of Notre Dame -- South Bend, IN

Thank you, Marquette University -- Milwaukee

Thank you, Creighton University -- Omaha

[this post with a few revisions was first published here]

two and a half thoughts... on parenting

Saint Monica was born of a Christian family at Tagaste in Africa in 331. She poured forth many tears and prayers to God for [her son Augustine]’s conversion. A model of the virtuous mother, she nourished the faith by her prayers and witnessed to it by her deeds. She died at Ostia in 387.

[from today’s Magnificat, Memorial for Saint Monica]

It cannot be denied that God often takes away from us all exterior aid that he may possess all our trust. Oh, if we could but give him it to the uttermost nor share one white of it with whomsoever it be, how thoroughly compensated we should be for the absence of all help deriving from creatures! And what interior freedom we should know! Indeed there is nothing plainer: the grief and excessive anxiety to which your soul is exposed at perceiving itself deprived of exterior help can come only from an intemperate attachment to those human aids.

~Jean-Pierre de Caussade, S.J.

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More often than not, when parents hear that our four adult children are all active, practicing Catholics, they immediately want to know what I / we “did” to make this happen.  I’ve even had writer friends suggest that I should write a book about parenting to help younger parents—and to encourage those couples whose adult children are not practicing the Faith.

I truly understand their desire. What they don’t realize is how inept I would be at tackling this topic.

I’m not denying that I took parenting our children very seriously, making career and personal choices that were not normal or made “sense.” I don’t deny that that as a couple we tried to make major decisions—and sometimes huge sacrifices—based on our mutual and deepest desire to pass on to them the Catholic faith we know and love.

Yet as I look back at critical moments in our family’s history, moments that shaped and defined us, I am very aware that this Faith, these values, were often nurtured in my kids not because of, but in spite of me, in spite of us and our failings as parents.

In the most difficult, heart-wrenching moments in our marriage, there was nothing for me to hang on to but the knowledge in faith that God would take care of my children and their spiritual needs because I could not. On my knees, over and over, I entrusted Him with that which is my greatest treasure: my family.

So, yes, I have been blessed with an awesome foursome—and they constantly and continually blow me away with their grounded values and lived faith. My children have always been my Grace.

I am deeply blessed.

my awesome foursome, 1994

Note: 

On this feast of St Monica, remembering in my prayers all mothers--especially those who pray for their children to find and/or come home to the Faith.

Messy miracles: my holy trinity of grandchildren

Ignacio & Cecilia

The past two weeks have been an oxymoron of reality. On the one hand, it’s been a blur of traveling activity between four cities, some work-related, most for family visits. But on the other hand, the two weeks have offered me a peaceful stillness at every stop, and a complete change of pace from my normal routine.  They have been full of grace, a great beginning for my Advent.

The downside has been, however, that living a completely different routine and schedule from my normal reality has made my blog writing time almost non-existent! I will try to do better, but this is all still quite new to me.

My longest stop was in Milwaukee. Where the last time I was there in October there were three, this time there were FIVE family members at my son and daughter-in-law’s home!

The twins, Cecilia Teresa and Ignacio Christopher, are still very tiny by comparison to most all newborn babies. But they are doing very well, eating, gaining weight, growing, as well as maturing in their looks.  They are now six weeks old.

Elena kisses on one of her babies

During my time with my holy trinity of grandchildren I was struck by the reality that taking care of three children—a two-year-old and twin babies—is not very romantic. It’s difficult to get too sentimental about newborns when your day is full of poopy diapers, burp rags, dirty clothes, spills, messes, and lots and lots of calming crying babies.

But in the midst of the chaos and the mess, taking care of three children—a two-year-old and twin babies—is truly full of magical, miracle moments. Like the instant I was struck by the wonder of hearing TWO small humans sleeping on my shoulders. Or the flash of beauty created every time two-year-old Elena stopped playing to run and kiss her baby “Celia” or “Nacio.” Or the moment when the babies, laying on their backs side by side, suddenly held hands!

Taking care of three children under two is ultimately an excellent metaphor for life. Reality is messy, dirty, complicated—but in the midst of the messy ordinary, miracles are waiting to be discovered.