when my flesh and my heart fail

“I have the feeling that what is asked of us is to live in the whirlwind, without keeping back any of our substance, without keeping back anything for ourselves, neither rest nor friendships nor health nor leisure—to pray incessantly and that even without leisure—in fact to let ourselves pitch and toss in the waves of the divine will till the day when it will say: ‘It is enough’.”

~Raïssa Maritain

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever

Psalm 73:26

“Listen carefully… and incline the ear of your heart”

~Rule of St. Benedict

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Do you know how many times the word “heart” appears in Scripture? Depending on the translation of the Bible, and on how the word was translated in the first place, the answer can be something like 726, or as many as 963 times!

The HEART has been, quite literally, the center of my Lenten journey this year.

The week of Ash Wednesday, during a very relaxing and joyous time walking  and exploring the beaches of northern California with my hubby, I experienced what I can only describe as a heart episode—or at least, what I thought at the time could be a heart episode.

It was not, and I did not have a heart attack. Yet whatever that event was, it led us to spend a whole afternoon at the local ER, where I learned that my EKG results were abnormal.

Fast forward to a discussion back at home with my primary doctor, followed by one test after another with abnormal results—all the way to last week, when I became the dazed but thankful recipient of a new stent in my heart.

It all still feels very surreal. And quite honestly, I am still taken back by this new development, this very new world of heart “things”… cardiac terms (it’s like learning a new language!), ID cards that I must carry with me, new medications, and a permanent label of “cardiac patient” as part of my medical record.

As a dear friend reminded me, as mysterious as all this seems to me, it is nothing less than another life metaphor of my Camino journey, and a new path in the pilgrimage that is my body.

From the beginning – and all of a sudden – my Lent has become a season of listening… and anywhere and all the time, all I hear is the word HEART.

It jumps out at me everywhere… in daily Scripture, in song lyrics, Morning Prayer, in my Lenten readings, even in people talking!

It also makes it impossible to not see it and not hear it, with new eyes and ears.

My heart was blocked, and now is flowing. My heart was fragile, and now has strength. My 58-year-old abnormal heart is listening…

O Lord, help me to listen

art by Stephen Whatley

If you're wondering what my next book is about...

Today is the perfect day -- on this Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus -- to announce the topic of my next book -- a biography of Sister Rosemary Nyirumbe, a Sacred Heart of Jesus Sister from Uganda.

The book will be part of the wonderful series from Liturgical Press, "People of God" -- click here to see their other titles. 

Please pray for me as I run towards the finish line to complete writing the manuscript about this inspiring woman? -- and look for my article about her in the upcoming August issue of St. Anthony Messenger!

For now, here's a taste... introducing Sister Rosemary, from my writings:

Rosemary Nyirumbe, the youngest girl of eight children, was born and raised in a small village of huts with grass roofs within Paidha, West Nile, located so close to the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) that children cross the border to attend school in the neighboring country. It is 122 miles and over three hours on dirt roads from Gulu, where Sister Rosemary now lives. 

She laughs often, and heartily, as she explains how most members of her tribe, the Alur, are like her—short and robust. While their neighbors in Gulu, the Acholi, are lean and tall. 

Yet the same woman who jokes about her 5’ stature has also shaken hands with foreign presidents, kings, and NBA stars. Rome Reports described her last year as, “the Mother Teresa of Africa.”  

She is one of TIME magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” (2014). She is subject of the book “Sewing Hope,” and a documentary by the same name, narrated by Academy Award winning actor Forest Whitaker (2013). She received the United Nations Impact Award and has been named a CNN Hero. She even had a song written in her honor, “Touched by a Rose,” by JAIA. 

But for “baby sister,” as her brothers, sisters and family still call her, speaking engagements and awards are simply platforms to tell her story. “I have the great opportunity to speak on behalf of people who cannot speak for themselves.”