wrestling, seeking and humor

“…Jacob was left there alone. Then a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. When the man saw that he could not prevail over him, he struck Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that Jacob’s socket was dislocated as he wrestled with him. The man then said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” “What is your name?” the man asked. He answered, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “You shall no longer be named Jacob, but Israel, because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed.” Jacob then asked him, “Please tell me your name.” He answered, “Why do you ask for my name?” With that, he blessed him. Jacob named the place Peniel, “because I have seen God face to face,” he said, “yet my life has been spared.”
 At sunrise, as he left Peniel, Jacob limped along because of his hip.”

~Genesis 32:25-32

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Seeking is as good as seeing

during the time

God lets the soul labour

~Julian of Norwich 

(ca. 1342-ca. 1416)

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I have been in a funk, and not the musical kind.

At the risk of sounding vague, it’s not about any one thing in particular, and more about the big picture of my life. 

All I can say is that I’m prayerfully “working at” not going global or overgeneralizing, one of the anxiety-fueled thought patterns that I wrote about last week (which is my usual M.O). While at the same time acknowledging, pondering, sitting with the issues, the thoughts, that seem to bring out a significant emotion from me.

For example, when I reacted to a project proposal made by a young editor with what was unquestionably an unreasonable uproar, I eventually realized that what I was -- and am -- feeling has everything to do with my aging self—and nothing to do with the age of the editor, or the proposal.

I don’t know about you, but this sort of introspection takes a lot of energy. 

On Ash Wednesday, our pastor challenged each of us to take time each day – twice a day – over Lent to "take in" a dose of

G. F. H. = gratefulness, forgiveness, and HUMOR!

I’ll keep prayerfully pondering over the first two, but for now, here’s a dose of humor that always makes me laugh: 

Go here to watch the Simpson's video, 

Protestant heaven vs. Catholic heaven 

Don't scream! stop your anxiety-fueled thinking

The Scream by Edvard Munch

A panic attack is when you experience a sudden burst of anxiety and fear for no apparent reason.

While we all experience anxiety and stress at times, a true panic attack comes out of the blue. Although looking back on them, it is evident that panic attacks often take place during a lingering stressful situation or period in our lives.

Panic attacks in my experience have also always occurred in the middle of the night.

It’s no great surprise that the times that I experienced these panic attacks were times when I was feeling physically vulnerable and broken—such as when I first started having physical symptoms that no doctor could diagnose, or perhaps after one of my surgeries.

I can testify that waking up with a panic attack is very scary, like being in a car wreck when I didn't realize I was even driving. I jump out of bed, run out of the room to nowhere in particular, feeling an elephant on my chest that keeps me from breathing.

While I know that I cannot prevent a true panic attack from happening again, I have learned that, on a day to day basis, there are concrete steps I can take to challenge my thinking, calm my mind, and focus on my spirit when I'm feeling anxiety. 

In other words, there are things that I can do to stop anxiety-fueled thinking, that vicious cycle of anxious feelings that lead to anxious thoughts—that in turn reinforce those anxious feelings!

My own “maría brand” of anxiety-fueled thinking is what I call going global, or overgeneralizing. Whatever it is that I’m stressing about becomes all-encompassing, universal—and obviously, permanent, in my stressed-induce (irrational) thinking. For example, 

“Wow, that project was a disaster. The editor hated it. Obviously, I have no talent for this. I guess I never will.” 

Get the idea?

But there are other common anxiety-fueled thought patterns [paraphrasing here from an article I read in February's Taste for Life magazine], such as: 

• fortune telling, when I start making predictions (in my head) as if they are actual facts; 
• emotional reasoning, treating anxiety itself as a reliable indicator for reality; 
• tunnel vision, where I see only the negative and ignore any positive facts in a situation; 
• catastrophizing, where I decide that the outcome that I’m stressing about (or the disappointment or the failure) is permanent and total! 

If you can relate to any of these, you're in good company!

I'm not a medical professional, so here’s just my three action steps for when I recognize that what I'm feeling is anxiety:

1. Stop and ask myself if my thoughts are reinforcing the anxiety (as in the examples above) – am I turning this moment into a global reality by overgeneralizing?
2. Name the specific (often irrational) thought that is fueling the anxiety – is it true to say that I have no talent at all as a writer in this area?!
3. Stop whatever I'm doing and ask the Holy Spirit for assistance!

Come, Spirit of Truth

Show me God’s reality right here and now, in this situation.

I surrender myself, 

acknowledging that I cannot control, fix, or change my negative thinking.

And I commend my thoughts, my feelings, my worries, my anxieties, my entire being,

To the God who knows me and loves me 

as I am, today and always.

What about you? How do you handle anxiety and its thought patterns?