remembering my dad

“Maybe you’re not supposed to get over it. Some things you can’t move past. They scar you. Change you permanently.”

~Agent Mae to Coulson on TV’s “Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD”

“If you can be still a suffer awhile, you shall without a doubt see the help of God come in your need.”

~Thomas A. Kempis, Imitation of Christ

The bigger and deeper my emotions are, the less I seem to be able to find words to describe or even name what I’m feeling. 

And there has been a lot going on the past two weeks, all tugging at my heart for expression.

I’ve confessed before that I am a slow processor.  It’s taken me a while, but I’ve learned that – whether it’s a happy / joyous event or a difficult/ painful one, I simply have to give myself time to feel my way through it.

Ironically, in this kind of situation, writing, which is usually my avenue, does not work.  So instead, I turn to the things that nourish me: to music and to nature and to quiet prayer and to walking with my Siberian Husky Diego.

The funny thing is that, in spite of not being able to use writing to process what is going on inside me, I find the Holy Spirit reaching out to help me through the most unconventional means – like the quote above between two characters in the superhero television drama, “Marvel’s Agents of Shield.” 

God knows that I love superhero, fantasy, and science fiction stories – so why should I be surprised? I already know that God does not waste any details. And as Saint Paul reminds me in his letter to the Romans,

“…the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. 

And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will.” [chapter 8, verses 26 and 27]

Here’s where I am with my processing today.  As Agent Mae emphasized, some things in life you don’t “get over,” and what’s more, we’re not supposed to get over, because they change us permanently.

What a helpful reminder... especially as I remember my Papi on the second anniversary of his death.

God said, “Do not fear, greatly beloved, you are safe. Be strong and courageous!”

~book of Daniel, chapter 10, verse 19

“…pray always without becoming weary.”

~Luke 18:1