Friday, October 19, 2012

Have you ever wondered if there is no God?

When my oldest daughter was in fourth grade, she came home from school one day with a lot on her mind. As I cooked, she sat near me on a bar stool and drew doodles with her finger on the counter before her.

“Tell me about your day,” I began. But after several short answer responses, I allowed the silence to stay. At a break in my chopping and stirring, I came over and hugged her from behind, wrapping my arms around her neck and shoulders.  “Mom,” she suddenly responded. “Have you ever wondered if there is no God?”

I heard myself reply, “Honey, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t wondered that at some point in her life.”

She relaxed her shoulders. She sighed deeply, sat up a bit, and looked for my face. I smiled back, and that was that. She let me know that the conversation was over. It was enough.

Unlike the disciples, who often didn’t understand but were afraid to question Jesus, my daughter reminded me that acknowledging what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, what I’m wondering, is all God’s delight! He is pleased when we honestly confide to him our whole hearts, throwing ourselves into His arms with abandon.

There are so many things that I don’t understand, and so many times that I want to question God. It’s not so much about asking, “why me?” Things happen. This is just what happened to me. My questions center more on wondering how I will possibly handle the challenging and ever changing situation before me.

The answer, of course, is that I can’t—not without God, his presence, his push, his shelter, his comfort and grace. I can claim certainty because I know my heavenly Father wants to take care of me, and I know that I need him.