wrestling, seeking and humor

“…Jacob was left there alone. Then a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. When the man saw that he could not prevail over him, he struck Jacob’s hip at its socket, so that Jacob’s socket was dislocated as he wrestled with him. The man then said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” “What is your name?” the man asked. He answered, “Jacob.” Then the man said, “You shall no longer be named Jacob, but Israel, because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed.” Jacob then asked him, “Please tell me your name.” He answered, “Why do you ask for my name?” With that, he blessed him. Jacob named the place Peniel, “because I have seen God face to face,” he said, “yet my life has been spared.”
 At sunrise, as he left Peniel, Jacob limped along because of his hip.”

~Genesis 32:25-32

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Seeking is as good as seeing

during the time

God lets the soul labour

~Julian of Norwich 

(ca. 1342-ca. 1416)

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I have been in a funk, and not the musical kind.

At the risk of sounding vague, it’s not about any one thing in particular, and more about the big picture of my life. 

All I can say is that I’m prayerfully “working at” not going global or overgeneralizing, one of the anxiety-fueled thought patterns that I wrote about last week (which is my usual M.O). While at the same time acknowledging, pondering, sitting with the issues, the thoughts, that seem to bring out a significant emotion from me.

For example, when I reacted to a project proposal made by a young editor with what was unquestionably an unreasonable uproar, I eventually realized that what I was -- and am -- feeling has everything to do with my aging self—and nothing to do with the age of the editor, or the proposal.

I don’t know about you, but this sort of introspection takes a lot of energy. 

On Ash Wednesday, our pastor challenged each of us to take time each day – twice a day – over Lent to "take in" a dose of

G. F. H. = gratefulness, forgiveness, and HUMOR!

I’ll keep prayerfully pondering over the first two, but for now, here’s a dose of humor that always makes me laugh: 

Go here to watch the Simpson's video, 

Protestant heaven vs. Catholic heaven 

To be human is to be beautifully flawed

This past weekend Michael and I watched the movie "October Baby" (2011).

Without giving away any spoilers, there's a scene where a minor character makes a statement that has stuck with me. Officer Mitchell, tells 19-year-old Hannah:

"To be human is to be beautifully flawed"

The movie deals with many heavy themes: adoption, abortion, coming-of-age, chronic illness, family. Just the word "abortion" made many reviewers dismiss the movie. Others criticized the acting or the uneven storyline. I'm not a movie critic, so I'll post two differing views at the bottom to help you decide.

What I enjoyed about the movie was its focus on forgiveness, healing and, ultimately, redemption.  While genuine healing and forgiveness require grace, it is up to me to make the first move, to take even the smallest action to get there. And perhaps the journey truly begins by embracing that we are, indeed, all beautifully flawed. For me, that was the heart of the movie.

Official trailer, October Baby

Here's a reviewer who enjoyed the film, even with its flaws.

SPOILER ALERT: If you don't want to know too much about what happens in October Baby, don't watch this movie review by my good friend, Sr. Rose Pacatte, who found the movie too preachy.

What are you hungry for?

It's ironic, and more than a little funny, that I've been struggling with food and "hunger" all week. 

I say ironic because, since last Sunday, I've been featuring Mary DeTurris Poust's latest book, Cravings: a Catholic Wrestles with Food, Self-Image, and God. The book--and my posts about it--have provided me the opportunity all week for several insightful and thought-provoking conversations with friends and readers. 

Yet all week I have been "hungry" for all kinds of crazy things. Desserts that I never want. A second helping of something I barely enjoyed. Even a 7-11 hot dog was calling my name. I also found myself struggling and acting annoyed with situations and issues that normally don't faze me. To say I've been off all week is an understatement.

Cookie monster at bedtime

This morning, when it came time for the examination of conscience at Mass, our celebrant reminded us that Jesus asked us to give ourselves in love to three things: God, our neighbor, and ourselves. He also pointed out that, in his experience, most of the offenses for which we need to ask forgiveness are usually offenses against ourselves. I first winced when he said that, but still tried to imagine what he could mean by that statement.

So right there and there, I asked God to forgive me for the way I've been acting towards myself, and to show me what that means, exactly. 

As I pondered this throughout the day, the first thing that became obvious, is that I have not been taking my regular quiet time in centering prayer. I have good enough reasons for not doing it for every day of the week, but it doesn't change the reality. Problem number one, check.

I also had to acknowledge how hard I've been on myself. All week my little Fred Flinstone devil figurine has been flying above my shoulder whispering words of contempt: Nothing I do is right. How could I mess that up. Here I go, wrong again. Basically, I screw up all over, every day, in every way possible--which is, in and of itself, impossible! Problem number two, check.

Which leads me to my "hunger" all week. I've been turning to food to fill me, to make me feel better, to stuff the hole I feel inside me.  As Mary wisely asks in Cravings, the real question is: what am I hungry for?

"If we believe we are made by our Creator to be exactly who and what we are--nothing more, nothing less, nothing better, nothing worse--we can begin to let go of some of the shackles that bind us to false ideas of physical beauty and outward appearance. We can finally look inside and discover our true selves and the wellspring of love that is the Spirit of God within us... 

When we do that, or even take the first baby steps in that direction, we find, almost without realizing it, that our need for other things, whether food or alcohol, shopping or obsessive cleaning, suddenly begins to lessen. The good feelings we tried to obtain through an extra slice of of pizza or a hot fudge sundae are now suddenly there for the taking. No spoon required. No calories to count."

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NOTICE: This is it, you now have TWO hours and SIX minutes left to comment on this post in order to be considered for tonight's drawing: a free copy of CRAVINGS!  http://goo.gl/nSbqQ