seeds of blessing in the middle of the night

flying into OKC
[June 2014]

My good friend Pat Stankus used to say that at the end of the day, the one question I must answer in my spiritual journey is this: “am I doing my part?”

Whether we call it surrender, an open heart, a willing spirit, detachment… ultimately, that’s what I’m responsible for, showing up to prayer and saying, my Lord and my God... here I am. 

The rest is up to God. And as I continue to be reminded, I do mean all of it. Whether I will continue to grow. Be able to forgive. Become whole. Grow in holiness. See with new eyes. Understand. Accept. Become. Let go. Even how “well” I can pray. Letting go of resentment. Or become worthy of the promises of Jesus the Christ.

Something I read today (with a few ‘first person’ adaptations) by Alfred Delp, S.J., a heroic German priest who was imprisoned and martyred by the Nazis in a death camp in 1945:

[T]he quiet angels of annunciation, who speak their message of blessing into the distress and scatter their seeds of the blessing that will begin to grow in the middle of the night.  These are not the loud angels of public jubilation and fulfillment, these angels of Advent.  Silently and unnoticed, they come into private rooms and appear before our hearts as they did long go. Silently they bring the questions of God and proclaim to us the miracles of God, with whom nothing is impossible…

[If I]…no longer perceive the quiet footsteps of the announcing angels, if the angels murmured word does not simultaneously shame [me] to the depths and lift up [my] soul—then it is over for us. Then we are living wasted time, and we are dead, long before they do anything to us.

~from “Advent of the Heart: 

Seasonal Sermons and PrisonWritings 1941-1944" 

(Ignatius Press)

I had to read that last paragraph several times, and am still sitting with it. Perhaps it’s because right now life feels so very fragile and short, and I desperately don’t want to live in “wasted time,” but I find his words provoking, yes, and challenging, but also weirdly reassuring.

As Father Delp goes on to say, “To believe in the golden seeds of God that the angels have scattered and continue to offer an open heart are the first things we must do with our lives.”

Show up! The rest is up to God.

angel of God, my guardian dear

image at Mont Saint Michel, France

A quick glimpse at the current television lineup or a list of recent movies exposes a myriad of shows about angels living among us and “true life” reports of everyday miracles, the afterlife, heaven, ghosts, or heavenly spirits.

We may poke fun at some of these presentations, but the fact is that reality is full of inexplicable situations. And in spite of our elitist cultural skepticism, we have an innate desire to understand the spiritual reality that surrounds us, and that, no matter how hard we try, we cannot entirely rationalize.

Yet what our minds cannot comprehend, our hearts often recognize as Truth.

The Bible is full of stories where God sends angels as his messengers. Did you know that in the New Testament alone, there are at least 17 references to angels? most of these appeared to someone in need or at a critical moment. 

• ·      the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary, announcing the birth of Christ (Luke 1:26–28).
• ·      Angels appeared to the shepherds in the fields, proclaiming the birth of the Messiah (Luke 2:9).
• ·      Peter was freed from prison by an angel of the Lord (Acts 12:7).

I have no problem believing in angels. It’s not something I need to prove, it’s something I know, in the sense that St. Ignatius describes when the heart and mind simply understand.

One of the things I miss about not having my dear friend Pat is that she and I often shared with one another moments where we felt, saw, or simply knew there were angels in our presence. Sometimes they made us laugh, like the angel that got in her way at her home's entry way! Often, the angels reassured us in moments of need—such as many difficult days on our Camino pilgrimage.

Our kids even named their guardian angels! Does yours have a name?

image at Mont Saint Michel, France

Angel of God, my guardian dear, be at my side today.

There really are angels

¡feliz #24 cumpleaños Michelle Josefa!

Born 24 years ago today, we named Michelle after St. Michael, whose feast she shares. Not coincidentally, Michelle has always been close to angels, especially her patron St. Michael. As a preschooler, she assured  me that she could see his big wing covering her like a blanket as she slept.

When I once asked how she found the courage to defend a classmate in grade school, she smiled a toothless grin. “That’s easy, I just asked St. Michael to help me.” In high school she asked her guardian angel more than once to talk to her friend’s guardian angel to help them resolve misunderstandings.

And, obviously, it was St. Michael’s protection that I sought as Michelle and her siblings learned to drive!

I remember being surprised to find out that there are at least 17 New Testament references to angels, most of whom appeared to someone at a critical moment. But I also believe that God’s guardians are always with me, reminding me that I’m not alone.

In her poem, “Angels,” Polish poet and writer Anna Kamieńska seems to share this same conviction:

There are angels there really are angels

they catch every sound idea with the fishing-rod of intelligence

and from pails full of truth pour a bit for good luck

they bake cake poach fish in white wine

they like good jokes

the whites of their eyes shine with laughter 

and we don’t know whether in a moon-bound vehicle

one won’t on the sly squeeze into a space suit

Their calves are too strong as in Flemish paintings

they are corporeal like pale oxen at the stream

but a fiercely kind force is in them

a friendly breeze billows their robes

They sit quietly in a waiting room at the dentist

in an empty chair and are the last to enter

A long silence trails behind them

that’s how you can recognize there are angels

You can read here the entire poem, "Angels," and others in Kamieńska's collection, ASTONISHMENTS [pages 14-15] (Paraclete Press).